Go within, Go withiiiiiin, the singing voice says in my head.  The sweetest song within my heart gets so loud!  Madness strikes when its here, madness strikes when its gone.

Go within, stay inside..... oh my God! what in the world is that coming out?

And thus my month of cleanse and detox starts.  Living this adventure in the lands of the North, I have been feeling so unclean.  Carrying old baggage, sprouting new seeds, bugs and ghosts and skeletons I thought were loooong gone come dancing again, surrounding me, stomping the earth rocking my boat, chanting and yelling "noooo looooove, we are nooooot goooooone! you thought you had healed, you thought you were strong, but we are not dooooone"
Intensity.
Meditation.
Yoga.
And
Temptation.  To stay outside, to remain external when the trouble is within, to escape, but whenever I get weak and comply, whenever escaping seems oh, so eeeeeasy, Oh my god!!!! I'm falling asleep, I must go within, I must face the pain, but who likes the pain, I'm going blind, I'm becoming numb, I'm going dumb... and who wants to trade, haha!!!!

And so I cleanse one blockage and another, emotional and phisically it feels like a hangover.  When you fast or you detox, it seems like toxins and poisons bite for the second time, just like when they were coming in.  So in detoxifying my body, my mind and my soul seem to be furiously working simultaniously to unblock the light that comes out of me and comes into me.... oh my god! so much longing for this freedom, so much longing to shine my light and to be shined upon...

AnI'm feeling sooooo foggy I'm feeling feverish... the desperation is coming, the run down sicky feeling is coming, sores on my lips, pimple in my ear, petty tyrants in my life, just to make it harder, just to push my buttons, "go out in the   rain get your shoes wet and then go in the freezer", the signs showing me there is more, I just have to purify my physical mental emotional etheric bodies, get through this hump, you know.. my god, this must be working, I hope this is really working.

I'm waiting for clarity. It aproaches me slowly.  I'm still full of ackes and pains, but I don't feel so heavy.  My belly shrank and I just want a big juicy tart tangy sweet magical mystical fruit to nurture my body.  I just want simple. I just want earth.  I just want what I already have but lighter.  I want less.  I can handle less now. I am healing. I am growing.  I am gaining a river.  I AM becoming what I always was.

The lotus always sprouts from the mud, right?  Thats true alchemy, what we live every day, the possibilities the universe hands us if we chose to step up to the plate.  What a ride it has been. 

But there will be more reflections on this in the future, once I fully regain my conciousness, once I havegathered more lessons from this trip. 

Stay pure, my Loved ones,
Kat

I'am Ecuadorian and 1/4 Colombian.  There's a lot of history there, past and present, of those two countries being affected by US policy (among many many others).  I love my land, but the Univers chose to bring me to NY about 4 years ago in order for me to fulfill my greatest potential.  It comes as culture shock to see how, what is so called "conspiracy theory" here, its plain reality, mainstream media, affecting everyday, everybody, everywhere for us Southamericans.  From economical hitmen, to expired and recalled medicine sent as "aid", to spraying amazon tribes and jungles with DDT in Ecuador with the excuse of spraying coca fields in Colombia, to stealing the lands of such poisoned tribes so they can extract the oil underneath, paying the govoernment to allow biohazardous waste to be dumped in our beautiful oceans.  And these are just a few.  No conspiracy theories here, just plain truth that the US government is responsible for, plain truth that is hidden from you, the people, and dismissed as lies and exagerations.  I, like many of my fellow Ecuadorians, don't jus watch passively and go on blindly passified.  We have owerthrown 3 corrupt governments in the last decade, and we did it through creative and peaceful protest.   I've been  there, I chose not to  stay silent, I chose to take action, I went to the protests, I got gassed by policemen, my only weapon was my voice and the burning herbs a shaman had in a bowl that counteracted the tear gas, I went out at night and brought water and food to the children begging in the streets of a rich neighborhood while smiling at every passing car that approved or dissaproved of my actions.  I made peace with all the animals I ignorantly ate for 18 years.  I became a Vegan. 

I'm making a difference.  I've signed numerous letters and pettitions to Condoleezza Rice, to all parties involved in the Lebanon-Israel crisis, on the Palestine-Israel, to the Hezbolah, to Bush, to Hilary Clinton (who was the only one who answered to my call for peace... exept she answered saying the US will send weapons to Israel and defend their "right" to attack Lebanon), when someone gave my family a gift of $100, I sent $50 to Darfur, and today I called my credit card company to see if they recieved my payment so I culd finally donate $100 to Mercy Corps (they are the only humanitarian aid that has so far been able to make it to the south of Lebanon), even though $100 to me means a weeks pay, so they can feed a family of ten for 2 weeks.  I pray for all of them, my jewish, muslim, christian, buhdist, pagan, shintoist, taoist, hinduist, atheist, and everything-in-between-ist, brown, black, yellow, red, white brothers and sisters that I havent met, yet feel so connected to, and Love, truly truly Love with all my soul as I Love my Earth Mother.  I'm willing to do what it takes.
I AM making a difference.
Imagine Peace.  Visualize all these torn countries at war rebuilding sustainably, healing, connecting, helping and loving eachother.  Visualize the children fed, playing and laughing. For thought creates, and thus you too make a huge difference.  But whatever you do, don't stay silent.

MAKE SOME NOISE.  


In Love and Light,

Paccha (Earth) Mamma (Mother) Kat

....so, how are YOU making a difference.  I would Love to hear it.  If you read this, don't stay silent.  Everything and Anything goes.